


Bonfire Star Chart

by astropixie



Series: Sunrise [2]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Consent Issues, Current environment is supportive, Dissociation, Dissociation during sex, Dubious Consent, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Gentleness, M/M, Masturbation, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Rape Recovery, Recovery, Trauma, coping skills
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-21
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2018-06-09 20:12:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6921364
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astropixie/pseuds/astropixie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poe is determined to help Ben learn to enjoy sex after finding out about Snoke's abuse, but he has no idea what to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bonfire Star Chart

**Author's Note:**

> This is the second part of the Sunrise verse, where we get into overcoming Snoke's conditioning. The situation gets explained in the beginning of this, so you could read it alone without reading part one, but it probably makes more sense after reading Candles, Fruits, Trees. 
> 
> I tagged for it but I want to warn that the sexual situation at the end is a little bit dub-con, no matter how sweet and supportive Poe is.
> 
> Enjoy!

Poe hid his erection every morning.

He slipped out from under Ben’s half-dozing bulk with a quick peck to his cheek and hurried to the shower, where he could get rid of it quickly. Sometimes he came, but sometimes he couldn’t finish—he tried to think of Ben, plunging into him, or his hot mouth on him. But the fantasy often derailed as he remembered Ben’s clenched face and cries at night. Ben wouldn’t want Poe to do anything to him that he did in the fantasy. Not really.

From what he gathered from halting, apology-filled conversations, (and from listening in horror to Ben’s nearly-nightly outbursts of “Please, no, master,”) he knew Snoke not only sexually abused him but on top of that made him think sex was painful somehow. Probably some crazy Force trick. He wanted to learn more, figure this out, but the only source of information on that would be their local Jedi Master, and he couldn’t imagine having this conversation with Ben’s uncle. (“Hey, just out of intellectual curiosity, is it possible to make someone feel pain during sex with the Force? And, um, how do we undo that?”)

He let go of his softening shaft and shook his head, letting the warm water run down him without washing, just standing there. Dimly he thought of how the water would have shut off already at some desert bases he’d been stationed at before.

Poe was flying blind with no sensors through a plasma storm.

He had no idea—none—how to help Ben through this.

Well, if he were flying and had no directions, he would set down somewhere and find a navigational chart.

He got out of the shower and got ready for the day, determined.

He needed directions, and he would get them.

He needed to talk through this with someone besides Ben, because Ben unraveled into a pathetic loop of apologies and promises to do whatever Poe wanted when he tried to bring it up and it made even his strong stomach turn. Hence the hiding how much he wanted Ben every morning, because he now knew that Ben wasn’t really capable of saying no to him. He tried not to shudder as he shaved, and hissed as he nicked himself.

When he emerged from the ‘fresher Ben was already dressed and packing his bag for the day—water, his meditation book. He wore casual workout clothes, in layers, anticipating a sweaty session with the other Jedi outside in the cold woods. Today he wore his hair in a bun, and Poe smirked at the sight.

Ben looked quizzically at him. “What?”

“You look good,” Poe said, gesturing to his head. “You’ll destroy whole battalions with your good looks.”

Ben flushed. “You should talk. Perhaps we should transmit a picture of your jawline into space during battles.”

Poe posed, grinning. “Nah, our own side would get too distracted.”

They laughed, kissed, and went off to their respective duties. Damn, they were so good together. Poe wanted to make it even better.

He unexpectedly found time to think about it that day. “Wexley, we have a de-icer agent for a reason,” Poe said, shouting above the noise of the repair crews. “To de-ice things.”

He looked around at the damage—one fighter, flown by a rookie who needed the hours, had crashed before even reaching any altitude (thankfully, they were safe), and the rest would have to be grounded that day until they could all be checked over thoroughly. That left Poe and the other pilots relatively free for the afternoon.

“We’re grounded,” he announced, to a room of groans. “Go on, get some rest. I guess we all earned it, we’ve been working hard.”

He shared a commiserating look with Jess, who rolled her eyes. “We’ve only been on this planet for five months, it’s not like de-icing the wings should be a routine by now or anything,” she joked.

Poe shook his head, smiling. He was friends with all his pilots, but he had to keep some kind of command distance. Still, he was close with Jess. He had “talked boys and girls” with her before, which she was too happy to do. But just like bringing up this situation to Luke, he imagined bringing this up to Jessika—“Hey, Jess, my boyfriend was raped by Snoke and can’t have sex now, you got any advice?” He could just about hear her say “Oh hun,” and offer her sympathies but he could also see the distance in her imaginary face. The clear “Oh, this is too serious, this is too much.” It really was. It was unfair to dump on someone else.

And then there was the issue of outing Ben. It was getting better, especially because it was well-known Poe was dating Ben, but people mostly felt a mix of pity and fear toward him—this news, this rumor would tip the scale in favor of pity and Ben would _hate_ that. Some remnant of Kylo Ren preferred to be feared, perhaps. Or maybe fear was the closest thing to respect he could get from others.

“Commander? Puh-puh- _puh Poe_ Dameron, you’re not listening to me.”

Poe blinked and looked down at Jess. “Sorry, just distracted.”

She fixed him with a sideways look. “That’s a boy face, not your engine face.”

He laughed. “I have an engine face?”

“It’s something like—“ She made a ridiculous wide-eyed face and held it a split second before cracking up at herself. “Like that. Anyway, why the sad boy face? How’s Ben?”

He didn’t get a chance to answer—he didn’t know how he would answer anyway—because Ben and Rey sprinted into the hangar, red-cheeked from the cold, looking around.

“We saw a fighter go down, is everyone all right?” Rey asked.

Jessika hugged her in greeting. “Everyone’s fine, short and sweet. Just that _some people_ can’t remember to de-ice the wings on ice world here, and of course a rookie got in _that_ fighter, but she’s fine.”

Poe winked at Ben, and Ben’s pinkish hue from being outside deepened, spreading to his ears. As a commanding officer Poe had to set a good example, not engaging in too many “public displays of affection,” but the effect of his wink would never get old. Jess elbowed Rey, nodding toward Ben, and the two giggled, making him blush more.

Poe had an idea. Jess and Rey seemed to get along pretty well with Ben—they often all ate together in the evening, and he knew Rey was probably Ben’s best friend besides himself. They should solidify that. The stronger their support network, the better. “Us pilots are free for the afternoon. Are you Jedi free? If you are the four of us should do something. Grab lunch, maybe take it somewhere nice.”

Jessika seized on this. “Yeah! We can have a bonfire!”

“A what?” Rey asked.

Jessika rubbed her hands together in anticipation. “Oh, this will be great.”

They split off to get ready. In their quarters (when did Poe start thinking of his quarters as theirs?) Ben tilted his head, watching Poe change from his flight suit to warmer clothes for hiking outside.

“Yeah, love?” Poe asked.

Ben straightened his posture. “Nothing.”

This breakdown in communication was new, a direct result of discovering Ben’s trauma. Poe took his hand. “Did you not want to go to the bonfire?” he guessed.

Ben looked down at their clasped hands. “I—no. I’m just worried you’re…bored with me. Since I can’t—“ He broke off, still looking down.

Poe hugged him tight. “Never. It’s not like I’m going to replace you with some pretty girls.”

Ben laughed, and they looked at each other. Poe went on, “I do think it’s a good idea that we spend some time with our friends. Both of us. I know we’re all friends already, we work and fight together, but I don’t think we’ve ever done anything just for fun.”

Ben nodded, and Poe saw his shoulders were lower, looser after this conversation eased his tension. Good—they could still talk about some things.

The four friends—and BB-8, of course, who caught them leaving and berated them for not inviting the droid along, crunched through the snowy ground together, heading for the nearby lake.

Once they were a little distance away from the base, Poe took Ben’s hand, giving it a squeeze. Ben squeezed back.

“I can’t stand you two,” Jess complained. “You’re too cute.”

She was watching them, evidently still worried about Poe’s “sad boy face” earlier.

They reached a clearing in the woods by the lake, and put the thermal blanket on the ground. The wind was a little harsh, and Poe adjusted his scarf. Jess eagerly showed Rey how to set up a bonfire, and they unpacked their simple lunch of soup and fresh bread, eating in the companionable quiet, listening to the crackling fire and the cold wind off the lake.

“I love this,” Rey said. She held her soup mug close to her face in gloved hands. “I wish Finn were here.”

Poe felt guilty about it, but he was personally glad Finn was off-world right now. While he had left things on good terms, and they were great friends, Finn and Ben didn’t seem to get along, even after months of training together. He’d meant to bring this up to Ben before...before other things came up. Poe missed his friend.

They talked, told stories, and laughed. At one point BB-8 complained of being cold, to a round of laughs and “awws,” and Poe wrapped his scarf around the droid’s head. They all laughed at the sight of BB-8 rolling in place getting tangled in the scarf, but then Jess sniggered at Poe.

“What?” he said.

She smirked, pointing to his neck. “Looks like someone had fun. A lot of fun. What crazy stuff did you guys get up to?”

Poe realized his neck, now exposed, probably had evidence from Ben’s enthused, desperate kisses a few nights ago. He looked over to check on him. Usually Ben would probably blush at this conversation, but right now he went quiet, and looked away.

Thankfully, Jess noticed the sudden discomfort and started a new conversation. “I’m glad we did this. This means we did one fun thing on this lying planet.”

“Lying planet?” Rey asked.

“Yeah, it’s summer one day and winter again the next, I feel like it’s just getting us comfortable and then wham, fighter accident,” Jess said.

The mood gradually recovered, (Ben even commented on Jess’s tendency to personify things too much), but Poe worried. He couldn’t talk to anyone about their big problem, not his friends, not even the on-base therapist, because he happened to know for a fact that she disapproved of their relationship. He couldn’t talk to Ben because it went so poorly every time it came up. They held hands again as they walked back. Ben clung to his hand, almost bruising, and Poe didn’t know what to do.

* * *

Poe woke up the next morning and nearly yelped in surprise—Ben hovered over him, his arms on either side of Poe’s, pinning him gently in place.

Poe blinked up at him. “Yes?”

Ben kissed him, ferocious somehow, and his cock twitched, aching to grind against Ben’s rock-hard stomach—

“Oh my—“ Poe gasped as Ben moved away from his mouth and nibbled on his ear, moving down his already marked-up neck. This wasn’t fair. This probably counted as torture on some civilized worlds, this teasing without being able to move, or touch.

Poe moaned. “What are you up to?”

Ben propped himself up on his side and looked serious all of a sudden. “I want. You. I don’t want to be like this.”

Poe smiled sadly. “Oh, love.”

“I don’t like how you—“ He swallowed. “Feel like you have to hide from me.”

Poe grimaced. “You noticed, huh?”

Ben nodded.

Poe had an idea. He looked down at his bulge straining through his pants. “Want to watch?”

Ben blushed. “Watch?”

Poe took off his pants and shorts, a little awkwardly while still lying down, watching Ben’s face the whole time. “Instead of sneaking off to the shower, I’m going to jerk off right here, where you can see me.”

Ben’s shoulders tensed. Poe hesitated. “It was just an idea, if it scares you too much—“

“You’re sure you want to?” Ben asked.

Poe grinned. “It’s a little kinky, but I’m game.”

Ben snuggled up to Poe. “Okay, if you’re sure.”

“You don’t have to touch me or do anything you’re not comfortable with, okay?” Poe brought one arm around Ben’s broad shoulders while Ben nuzzled into his chest. “Just watch.”

He took his shaft in his free hand and damn this already felt better with Ben _here_ , at his side, eyes roving up and down his body as he quickly worked himself close to release.

“I’m gonna come, Ben,” Poe warned. He suddenly didn’t know if that would be okay—what if it freaked him out? But Ben clung to him, kissed his chest, and Poe came, spilling everywhere, on the bed, on his stomach, on Ben at his side. It was the best orgasm he’d had in days, and he patted Ben appreciatively as he slumped back into the pillows.

Ben parted from him, sitting up and looking at the mess. “Are you okay?” he asked.

Poe looked up at him, eyes stinging all of a sudden from the implication that Ben didn’t even masturbate—he thought even that would hurt? Was he worried about Poe hurting himself this whole time? No wonder he wasn’t sure about doing this and acted like he was supporting Poe through something difficult, holding and kissing him. He blinked and sat up—crying would only make it look like it did hurt, and he had to show that it didn’t. “I’m great, love. It felt great. I’m glad you were here with me. How are you?”

Ben bit his lip. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Poe took his hand. “I’m sure. It didn’t hurt a bit.”

Ben didn’t look convinced; he kept looking Poe over as if they had just been in a battle and he was checking for injuries.

“I wouldn’t lie, Ben,” Poe said gently. “Sex is supposed to feel good. Touching yourself is supposed to feel good.”

“Okay,” Ben whispered.

Poe kissed him and stood, looking himself and his love over. “Let’s hit the shower.”

The shower was a little awkward, between the small space and Ben clinging to him, but again he was glad Ben was with him. Ben clung to him, asking again and again to make sure he was okay, and although it wrenched his heart Poe felt they had made a lot of progress. They were _talking_.

“It felt great, love, you did so good being there,” Poe soothed.

He noticed Ben was half-hard while they talked. Poe wanted so much to pleasure him right there in the soapy water, but maybe Ben pleasuring himself was a better first step. “If you want, it can be your turn now,” Poe suggested gently.

Ben bit his lip, but his cock twitched at the idea.

“I’m right here,” Poe reassured him. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want, but I want you to feel good. I’m right here.”

Poe held him, the water hitting his back, and Ben hesitantly reached down to touch himself. Poe blinked back tears—even if he could sort of hide wetness on his face in the shower, he knew how red and puffy he got when he cried, and this had to be a good thing, no matter how sad it was. _We’re making this right_ , he reminded himself.

Ben half-heartedly stroked himself, slowly. Poe kissed his arm. “It’s okay,” he said. “I’m here.”

He knew at this point he would be a few minutes late to the hangar, but they would have to deal—Ben mattered more right now. He picked up the pace, and whimpered, and Poe kissed his arm, his back, holding him upright in the shower, admiring Ben’s girth when he was fully erect. He almost made a comment about how he wanted Ben inside him, but kept it to himself and said instead, “You’re doing so good. I love you so much.”

Ben groaned, and stroked, and Poe held him tight—

But he gasped, and let go with a flail, and they nearly fell over together in the little shower. He turned and clung to Poe, shaking. “I can’t. I can’t.”

Poe held him, disappointed but he tried to keep that out of his voice. He shifted so his own hard-again cock wouldn’t touch Ben’s hip, off to the side. “It’s alright. That was really brave. You did so good.”

Ben seemed really out of it for a few minutes. Poe kept talking as he helped him out of the shower, and even helped dry him off—Ben couldn’t seem to do anything but stand still, eyes distant. “It’s okay. I’m here,” he kept saying, over and over.  

Finally, when Poe was about to start dressing him too, Ben shook his head and blinked. He seemed to center himself—eyes closing, he breathed slowly, once, twice. When he opened his eyes, he said, “I’m okay.”

Poe got dressed for the day but kept shooting looks over at Ben to check on him. He worried about leaving him alone. “You good?”

Ben nodded, pulling his workout clothes on. “I’m good.”

“I can take a day if you need,” Poe offered.

“No, I’m okay,” Ben insisted. He smiled sheepishly. "Nothing a Jedi calming technique can't handle."

Poe shifted on his feet, debating. He did seem better all of a sudden, but did they go too far? Ben went over to him and kissed the top of his head. “Really. I—I’m disappointed in myself, but I feel better about things.”

Poe grabbed him in a hug. “I’m not disappointed in you. I think you were very brave.”

Ben kissed his hair a few more times, then said, “We’re both late.”

Poe clapped him on the shoulder. “Well. The X-wings aren’t as important as you, even if I have a thing for engines. Let me walk you over to the clearing, at least.”

Ben agreed, and they left together. “Jess is right though, you do have an engine face.”

Poe’s jaw dropped. “Hey, I was going to tell you what she said—has she told everyone? Does everyone know this?”

Ben grinned at him, his little half-grin, and Poe grinned back. They made a lot of progress. He might not be able to get directions for this, but they could make their own path. Their own star chart. They were going to fix this.

**Author's Note:**

> The next installment is going to be much darker, but I wanted to have some fluff and establish a safe-ish environment in this one. Thank you for reading!


End file.
